‘Emily’, I don’t understand. Why? I know who you are. It makes me so f*cking sad that you have gone to this extent. Stock image photos? Pretending they’re your kids? That’s not healthy, I hope you’re ok. You clearly don’t like me, I don’t think you ever truly have. I, however, adored you. For a… Continue reading Dear Emily i HOPE you’re ok…

This blog began with me wanting to write about my garden, my big greenhouse (well it was the landlord’s late mother’s and we restored it and used it)… but it became a place I put things down that were heavy. Where I let it out, took a minute (or 20) and then got back to… Continue reading Change

Not sure if it’s the heat, but I’ve not being sleeping much and my head is throbbing. A few weeks of feeling crappy and even random past things springing to mind. I’ll be brushing my teeth and remember the time at a hen party I hosted for a friend I loved, and her favourite movie… Continue reading It’s been a weird one

I’d just come out of 20 sessions of therapy after a breakdown the year prior when your husband reached out to me, crying. Asking if you could come and see me. I doubt that you feel any compassion for that. I went against all of my loved ones warnings and advice and hesitantly gave him… Continue reading scars

So, many would say ‘if so many people don’t like you the problem MUST be you’. I always thought like this too. Now I know it is complete bullshit. Would I say to someone who grew up in an abusive environment and dated a string of bad guys and being f*cked over by shitty friends… Continue reading Nah

It’s weird to me that my blog would be shared on facebook in some capacity. I deleted facebook years ago and twitter last year. I am still on instagram but there are certain times I stay off of there, or just unfollow people. There’s a lot of hate masquerading as ‘love’ and i’m not a… Continue reading

I was going to sit and have a break, drink my tea and read a chapter or two of my current book. But i’ve been in a weird headspace the past couples of days. I was doing so well with sleep, I had deleted all my social media, I was getting outside for at least… Continue reading Why though?

For almost two weeks now i’ve been going to sleep before midnight. This is a huge deal for me. Even at school it was rare I’d sleep before midnight. One night, within the past fortnight, I went to bed at 8.30pm and slept by 8.45pm. Unheard of. Most days i’ve been up by 6.30am. One… Continue reading Counting Sheep

I’ve spent the majority of my life unhappy. Not miserable, and certainly not bitter… but not truly happy. I laugh a lot. I surround myself with good souls and we laugh a lot until it hurts. But I was thinking recently, when was the happiest moment in my life and I honestly don’t know the… Continue reading Happiness

Another cheery entry to this diary. When i’m feeling good I don’t come on here. Totally the opposite of what i’d planned starting a blog. I’ve been an anxious on the verge of tears constantly nauseated being my entire life. The past two weeks have been particularly crap. My skin never breaks out (aside from… Continue reading Stress