The last time I burst out crying in a waiting room was when i’d just broken up with my ex. That’s the first time a stranger hugged me. I’ve done that before to other people so many times yet it was very strange being the person on the other end. Of course, today, the other… Continue reading Awkward

‘Sleep doesn’t help if it ‘s your soul that’s tired’. Something like that. I honestly realise that the very few people who have said that I ‘feel sorry for myself’ are bellends. Those who know me know that’s so far removed from the truth. I am so hard on myself. I remember pretty much every… Continue reading Tired

I can’t stop crying. This hurts so fucking much. The sadness is too heavy. I’ve never experienced grief that wasn’t just heart break before. This is different. It’s a rollercoaster I want to get off. Stabs to the stomach to remind me of reality. OCD manageable. Crying on the floor. Anger. Heart break. Pain. This… Continue reading Grief

Do you know what love is? Love is having walked away from an abusive family, rebuilding your life, and your sister’s husband ringing you in tears that she has childhood memories too and he doesn’t know how to handle it. Even though you are afraid, you don’t trust them (they could be spying for an… Continue reading LOVE

I have a fear of hospitals. I don’t think it’s because i’ve seen more than one loved one pass away in hospitals, in those cases I managed to focus on them.  I wonder if it comes from my head injuries as a child.  I remember some parts of one visit. I’m not sure if it’s… Continue reading Facing Fears

I have been living in the past too long. It’s been almost 3 years since I got dragged back to the past, and I finally hope I can move on now. I cut some more ties I needed to cut and I just want to heal and find peace.   With regards to the icky… Continue reading Hindsight

I’ve had a friend about a year and a half. He’s 15 years my senior.  I’d name him Mr. B but that sounds like i’m trying to be Carrie Bradshaw and I could never pull off that tutu. I’m too overweight. That’s when I know i’m at my goal weight. When I can wear a… Continue reading Sigh. There’s a lesson in this. I’ll take it.

Very rarely do I drink alcohol nowadays. I drank a glass of wine at a  hen weekend I planned last year because the girl’s kept offering at dinner so I thought i’d be polite.I didn’t drink any alcohol the rest of the weekend.  I didn’t want to drink, I wanted to enjoy the weekend and… Continue reading Alcohol

  Today I was irritated. I’ve been keeping busy, productive and I don’t know if it’s the withdrawing from sugar that’s making me irritable but I’m getting pissed off when I think of how much i’ve been used by someone. Again.   He had the audacity to say I talked shit about his friends.  I… Continue reading Broken Record

Holy Chicago, 34. This year needs to be the year that…   I accept that Keanu Reeves is taken. (let’s be honest, i would never be worthy of such an angel of a man anyway).   I break up with sugar. I look back to the super healthy years of my life, the brief period… Continue reading Thirty Four