So, today’s a hot one and i’ve spent most of it covered in paint and mud. We’re never usually home on weekends so it’s been pretty chill.

 

Last Thursday I was at a media event/awards show (which was fun, and I didn’t drink any alcohol) and the following morning I woke up with a stiff jaw. Immediately my head went to tetanus/lock jaw. Because I’m not at all a catastrophic thinker.

I then discovered it was a mouth ulcer. Something I have never had before, as far as I can recall.

A few days pass, and on Monday I decide to be an adult and ring my dentists.  I was due for an appointment in January but it’s been an expensive few months so I thought i’d be alright waiting. I was such a regular patient I figured i’d be fine being… I don’t know… 7 MONTHS LATE!

So, I go in, and am relieved the words ‘mouth cancer’ aren’t said.

But I am told it’s a wisdom tooth problem.  I immediately think back to my cocky remarks amongst friends and family talking about the horrors of their wisdom teeth experiences and I said ‘it hurts on occasion, but it’s been no trouble’.

 

Oh man. So it turned out it is a gum infection. Grim. I’mm so squeamish that the pain was one thing, but the thought of it was just grossing me the F out.

My dentist knows I have an extreme dislike of needles in my mouth. He pulls out a huge ass syringe with… I sh!t you not… the longest needle i’ve seen. Well, technically it’s not a needle as it was blunt. He said ‘look, see, it’s blunt’ as he touched the end of it. It makes me laugh that he said ‘this isn’t a needle’ before he showed me because he probably knew that if I saw it i’d have thought it was an injection and reacted like a cat when it sees a cucumber.

You could have fooled me. That stung like a mother trucker.  I’m normally alright and don’t embarrass myself being a wimp, but this time as he was counting down, when he got to ’10 seconds’ I was thinking ‘you can do this’.  He get’s to ‘5 seconds’ and i’m like a fish on a boat deck. Flapping about and making monstrous noises.  I didn’t even care in that moment I looked like a dick.  And after I said ‘OH GOD, THAT WAS INTENSE’ but in all honesty i’m proud I didn’t swear.

 

I have to go again next week and i’m dreading it. But it’s necessary. I’m dreading the cost as well. Frugal Stacey was doing so well. Then Frugal Stacey goes and gets an infected gum requiring x rays, and procedures and antibiotics and other pricey things. But hey, i’m just glad the word ‘surgery’ wasn’t brought up.

I talk a lot when i’m nervous. It wasn’t the first time my dentist and I talked about veganism, photography, films…

 

but this time he said ‘We have a lot of (my super rare surname) on the system, are you all related?’

 

Awkward silence and I said …. ‘mmm yeah’.

I am actively trying to overshare less so I didn’t say ‘yeah we’re estranged and i’m changing my surname soon’.

It was as if he had asked me to say the alphabet backwards missing out the vowels the way I hesitated to answer trying to think of a classy and respectable way to say ‘yes’ without my sheer disappointment at the fact of who i’m related to didn’t come across. Oh well. I didn’t overshare. So there’s that.  I know if they were asked about me (because i’m sure they have been on occasion seeing as our surname not remotely common) they’d probably say ‘YEAH I F*CKING HATE THE FAT COW. SHES NOT MY FAMILY. FEEL BAD FOR ME BECAUSE THE WORLD OWES ME.’ They classy like that.

 

That’s all I wanted to put into my diary of moaning and complaining and being a little ray of pitch black.  This blog had so much potential…. oh well…