So, I want to keep this one relatively short because, you know, self respect and all.

 

Seriously, dude. What part of ‘you broke my f*cking heart’ do you not understand? Is it really that difficult to comprehend?

Your mind f*ckery is on fleek, hope you’re as good between the sheets.  (that rhymed. I’m an artist!) It’s been a decade so you know, I can’t recall.

 

 

‘I just want to make you smile, and laugh’?

Ok, how about tell me a joke. Call me and say Hi and ask how my day was. Don’t be a sleeze dishing out the fake compliments. I’m insulted that you think I need that. Or crave that. Give me a f*cking break.

So you made the move from NYC, Manhattan or the village or whatever ‘totally awesome’ place you were at, to sunny old Los Angeles. The City of Assholes, I mean, Angels.  Opened your own studio. You like totally know Taylor Swift and fly on private jets now. Let me grab a broom to sweep up all those names you subtly drop.

Guess what dude? I dug you before you were a ‘big deal’. Before you flew on private jets with ‘artists’ who are way famous.

You say your past is so far behind you? Cool.  Don’t look back, you’re not heading that way. But why you still hitting me up?

I hate how much I never resist replying. You’re like my f*cking kryptonite. Like red bull, I gotta quit things that are bad for me. The red bull thing seemed to offend you, a tame analogy I’d say, yet you pulled out your beloved victim card. Let’s get real here, I was the one who was disposable to you. Don’t get it twisted. I was planning to save to visit, like you asked me several times. Totally BS-ing me obvi. Even wrote it on that benjamin didn’t you? (Well, George Washington…, Benjamin’s a $100 yeah? )

Man you’re so inconsiderate.

I didn’t write that Fight Song, i’m not drop dead gorgeous, i’m not flying you on the private Jet I chartered (because you know, ‘I don’t send Christmas cards’ because I love trees but private jets are ‘industry standard’ lol, )…. Truthfully I don’t care about a christmas card dude, just the thought you know? Figure of speech. Madonna & Elton John Christmas Card speech. Like a ‘hey what sup?’ without the sleazy side.

 

‘Here’s a cover I wrote … a reimagining of a classic…

‘When there’s something strange, in the Neighbour hood, who you gonna call?

Not me because it’s too much effort’.

 

When I woke up to the ‘Are you awake? I’m trying to call you on repeat. Stacey, I keep trying to call you’, my pathetic ass was wanting to turn the clock back a few hours so I could have spoken to you, you know, with actual voices and not typing for the first time in a decade since we hugged goodbye before you crossed the Atlantic. On a commercial passenger plane. Shit. Slumming it.

 

 

Let’s be honest, were you really trying to call me though? Or just saying that because you know i’d have dug a phone call from you. Rather than the repeated grim messages that quite frankly you should not be sending someone that is not your girlfriend. Oh, Fiance. you missed that part out didn’t you? Convenient. How about don’t be shady behind her back?  I bet she’s really awesome and nice, and totally not deserving of that crap. I don’t expect you to ever care about me, lets be honest you never did, but at least respect her enough to not be hitting up chicks. How many of us are there?  Do they all tell you to f*ck off like I do? Or do some of them love the flattery and go along with it?

What a chode.

So you say I assassinated your character? Give me a f*cking break. Pointing out that it’s not cool how you treat people is hardly an attempt at character assassination. It’s cutting the BS and being completely honest with you. I won’t apologise for not kissing your ass. If you want to surround yourself with people who oblige and pucker up, then that’s how you roll. I like to keep it real and have people who care about me call me out on my shit. I welcome constructive criticism.

You’re not nice dude. Not to me, or your girlfriends anyway.  F*ck knows why I’m incapable of quitting you. I think it’s who I thought you were back in the day when we got close and hung out every day. Lay on the grass and shared your headphones.

Why didn’t I see red flags? Pretty sure you made a dickhead video for youtube mocking me with your bro (who i’ve never met to be fair, but people I know who met him said he’d not be my type of human so whatevs).

My best friend finally managed to get through to me. His words along the lines of ‘You’re starting to even piss ME off now Stacey. You’re like a lame teenager over this dude. I don’t care how successful he is, or who he rolls with, I couldn’t give a fuck, a dickhead’s a dickhead. Simple’.

He has a point.

Not trying to be savage here. But oh boy have you hurt my heart. And not let me forget you. Even when you were blocked on everything, you’d still some how get in touch. My professional email one time. I’d never have emailed you at your studio back in the day. I get it, my career is not even close to beginning, and yours has beyond exploded.  But still, come on, respect yeah?  I know, regarding me, ‘What Career?’ …. funny. Not really. It’s been pretty heavy over the years. Life. I think i’ve done well to maintain a sense of humour and continue to grow as a person even though all my plans have been put on hold.

I’m quite certain you’ll never read this, and i’m glad. For once i’m glad you’re too self absorbed.

You broke my f*cking heart dude, way back when. You were so harsh. So inconsiderate. So cruel.  One time you made out you were back in town and told me to get my coat so we could hang, then said ‘I’m only joking, I’m in Scotland’. Wow. You’re a funny one aren’t you?

I don’t value the same things as you.  I couldn’t give a f*ck about knowing the most famous people going. The only thing I chase is my little shit of a dog around my garden when she won’t come inside. Not ‘status’. Not approval (aside from from you. Lame huh? Like I said, for some reason you’re my kryptonite).

Don’t get me wrong, I hope to be successful enough to be around the best in the film industry and learn. I want to be continuously learning until the day I die. Not just climbing the career ladder, but self growth. Above all else though, talent and ambition aside, what I value most in people… kindness. Just good people man. I have a thing for genuine people. I dig folk who are considerate, and down to earth. Not the sort of people who get overly excited to know or meet famous people. (Or rich folk. This doesn’t apply to you, but just in life in general, i’m exhausted by witnessing people kissing people’s ass because they’re minted. It’s so tacky and gross.) If I ever became materialistic or shallow, my friends would certainly knock me down a few pegs. Rightfully so. That’s why they’re my mates.

You said you’d not subject me to the ‘character’ bashing you just endured. Dude, go for it. I am open to constructive criticism. (not mean jack ass videos where you’re high af and ripping on someone you’re hooking up with. I only realised it was probably about me years later).

I really am open to constructive criticism. From the heart. But what would you say? Go wild. I’m all ears. But really, what would you say? I cared about you too much? Yes. That would be correct. I still do and I hate that. In the past decade I reached out to you once. ONCE. When there was a hurricane and you were living in NYC still and I wanted to check you were ok.  Whenever you hit me up, the countless times, it’s never to see if i’m ok. It’s to attempt to flirt and ‘have fun’.

So, you know what I value, unlike you? Integrity. Honesty. Kindness. Loyalty. Selflessness. Humility. Sincerity. You see, I have a thing for genuine people.  We measure success very differently you and I and therefore I need to get a grip and stop feeling inferior to you because you had the balls and undeniable talent to go and create a pretty impressive career in the music industry.

I may have put my career goals on hold whilst I get help dealing with shitty aspects of life, and sad things that have happened to those I love. But man, the past years I have grown so much as a human.  You evidently haven’t. You’ve got the career, the admiration of fangirls i’m sure, and the type of people who kiss ass to roll with the gang, half round in the circles you do, but f*ck that man.

Some of the most talented people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting are the most humble gentle beings i’ve encountered. Not the sort of people who use others and mess with their feelings on their pursuit to get to the top. I’m not about that shit. It’s so gross to me.

 

I’m sure your career will explode even more and you’ll just keep getting more success. You work hard, you’re talented, you’re ambitious so good for you. I sincerely mean that. Just a shame that in the last 9 years you’ve not focused on personal growth.

I don’t ‘hate’ you. You kept saying that I ‘hate’ you. I reserve the word hate for very few people on this earth. Even then, I have compassion for any human.

I don’t hate you dude, i’m just deeply disappointed in you. And myself, for even now as I write this, I know if you called me I’d not be able to ignore your call and for that, I need to love myself more.

Not cool dude, be better than this. Not for me. For you. For your fiancé. I don’t and never will mean shit to you. It’s ok, i’ll eventually get over that and realise I did waste my time and was a fool to ditch uni to hang with you. (my own fault, admittedly, you did encourage me to go and work hard. One thing I really dug about you). I kind of wish I had turned up to those lighting classes now.  I wish i’d never gone around your house that night and drunk the wine from a carton and helped you smoke your leaving gift from your friends in Glasgow.

To quote you, I can’t change the past. But I can at least acknowledge I was foolish and young and too swoony for my own good. To be fair, I still am. I’m a hopeless romantic. It’s my thing. I don’t shy away from being mocked for it. I’m often called whimsical, but those who love me tell me it’s endearing and don’t think i’m lame and ’emotional’.

So, hey, congrats on your life. I hope you’re as happy as you make out. I’ll stop wishing I meant more. Stop holding out hope we’ll stay in touch as friends. Hoping you’d respect me and want to just chat about life and work, and things other than sleazy false compliments.

Oh and ‘I forgot that girl even existed’, about your ex who you said was the ‘worst’ chick you’d ever dated. You followed her on your twitter account… that you set up last year. Recent. I don’t get you. Are you trying to snapchat her and be inappropriate too? Nice.

Dude you got issues. Not to the level I have, admittedly, but to slate your ex and then follow her on social media? But claim she’s the worst person you’ve ever dated?

Real nice dude.

I see you now. Who you actually are and not who I thought (hoped) you were.

No matter how successful I am in my own career, I’ll never step on people’s feelings. Or buy into my own hype. Or do the subtle brags. I won’t think i’m above anyone, other than people who are just not good humans, I have no shame counting myself as morally above those sort of people.

‘I’ll call you from this phone booth in NYC… and i’ll take you to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway’.

Ah, I was such a gullible idiot!

Life lesson. Noted, Acknowledged and understood.

I’m out. Drinking a bloody red bull whilst i’m writing this though aren’t I?

 

 

Stace x