So i’m going to preface this by saying this will be sprinkled with parmesan. Just like the fairy godmother sprinkled her magic glitter fairy dust shit all over that pumpkin.

Brace yourselves for a good cringe.

 

You. I want to thank you. For everything you are, and everything you’ve done for me. For being the kindest most gentle soul but such a strong dude. I don’t care if third wave ‘feminists’ would be outraged by what i’m about to admit.

I love your chivalrous values. Your sweet disposition. The fact you’re a good dude and you’d never, and have never cheated on a partner. You’re so far removed from gross in that aspect. For that i’m so lucky, as I fear loyalty is rare nowadays. I trust with all my heart and certainty that you never would. You’re so loyal. It’s one of the most attractive things about you. And your blue eyes and forearms, obvi. Your skills, talent, quick wit, banter.

You’re an alpha male to the core, and i’m into it. Fuck if that ‘offends’ anyone. I’m into it.  But you’ve cried in front of me more than once. I respect that. You’re so real and sincere and honest. I truly believe no one person on this earth ever has, and ever will love me as much as you do.

Perhaps we’re not meant to be. We’re happy now, but we both know we want different things in life. I love that i’m enough for you. You don’t need to have kids to feel fulfilled in  life but you’re open to having them. You’re so laid back about it. The thing is, I know I want to be a mum one day. Unfortunately i’m running out of time and i’m terrified as i’m nowhere near ready. You won’t ever relate to that as men don’t have the same biological clock.

You always say you don’t need a ‘piece of paper’ to show you love me, and deep down I really respect your views on marriage. I never admit it, but i’m admitting it now.  I can’t deny that I want that though. I want to exchange vows. I want a dude to give me his name. I always have wanted that. I’m a hopeless romantic.  I’m so painfully cringe worthy and unapologetically swoony. You know this.  You are too to an extent though. Let’s be honest. You’re done some of the most thoughtful sweetest things for me.  Mazzy star, Fairy lights a house filled with hand carved pumpkins and candles. You know Hallowe’en is  a way to my heart.

I know we’ll be friends for life, family. Regardless. I’ve only known you a few years, but I feel like i’ve known you my whole life. Less than a decade feels like a life time. I can’t imagine let alone remember life before you. I feel less alone than I’ve ever felt in life with you. Even when I had so many ‘friends’ I ran out of hands to count them on. I felt so alone in life until you came into my life.

So, whether we decide we’re better as friends, or whether we stay in a relationship, as Jack Johnson sings we’re ‘Better Together’ and we’ll be in each others life in whichever way is best.

I love you dude,

You don’t read my blog, but if you ever do come across it, know that i’m writing this past 1am and you’re in the other room asleep. I’m watching Outlander it’s unreal how much Jamie Fraser reminds me of you. The fact he’d never cheat on his partner/wife, the fact he’s protective and has a huge heart. He’s proper brave. Funny.  Has a lot to learn and knows it (haha).  He’s one of my ‘book boyfriends’, (it’s what us lame chicks and dudes call fictional characters we fall in love with).  But you exist dude. Yeah, so we’re not in 18th century France, i’m not elegant with an amazing neck, medical skills and the ability to time travel and you’re not ginger and don’t wear a kilt, but the fact this fictional character reminds me so much of the guy in my life, that’s pretty special.

 

*and cringe*

 

Sorry, not Sorry!

love you dude,

Stace x