I hate this. I honestly hate this. The whole situation makes me so sad.

 

I wonder how many people you’ve asked to listen to my 5 minute voicemail. I have no doubt in my mind that you did. Only this time they’ll hear my actual words and not your lies and that twisted way of ‘retelling’ you do. I hope they have the intellect to realise it was raw and honest and pleading with you to stop it.

I love your son. No longer romantically, we haven’t dated since we were in our early twenties. Do you realise we broke up years before you knew, because he didn’t want to tell you we were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend because he knew you’d try to manipulate him to no longer stay in touch with me.

He was right. When you finally found out you said it wasn’t ‘normal’ and that it was ‘weird’ that we stayed friends.  That’s so beyond comprehension to me. That you’re that ridiculous. My parents thought it was awesome that we’re so mature that we stayed friends. That our love for one another was so sincere that we remained friends, well family. Remember when your husband said ‘blood is family’. Yet you regard your friends children as ‘family’ to your sons even though your eldest son, my ‘ex’ barely knows those girls anymore?

 

Your husband, his father, told him his son he was obese, when he was far from it. I am obese, he was not. Especially back then. He was a Medium in men’s clothes.  He did later go on to gain weight, but he’s ace and has lost it all again.
Do you know that when I was your son’s girlfriend your husband was so rude an obnoxious toward me. Barely conversing with me. Not acknowledging me. The time we saw you in Waitrose and made small talk with you and your husband, 5 minutes later I bumped into your husband down an aisle and I said ‘hello again’. He looked at me like I was something excreted by a dog that he’d stepped in. He ignored me.

 

Do you know how humiliated I was when I went to the restaurant, my new place of work. MY co workers said ‘what’s up with you and [his] mum?’. I asked what they meant. They told me you had been talking about me to them as they served you. Talking shit about me, playing the victim and asking people I barely know, who i’d literally just started working with why I didn’t like you?  I was so confused, i’d always been polite to you. Tried to make conversation. Hand made you and your family Christmas cards. I hope when they went straight in the bin for being ‘tacky’ that you at least put them in the recycle bin.

 

Do you know how awkward it was when your son and I were dating, and it was your son’s turn to drive for the double date. You made him be your taxi that night, so someone else had to drive, and I had to be a third wheel most of the night. You’re so incredibly selfish.

 

I remember he stayed at my house for one weekend and you text saying you missed him. I lived a few doors away!  You embarrassed him when he was the barman at the same restaurant and you wouldn’t let any of us waitresses serve us, you insisted your son (who was the barman) come over and take your order. Even when we were so busy and the bar was 4 people deep.

 

You say you miss your son when he was materialistic, and say he’s unhappy now he’s not living with your hand outs and expensive things. You’re so painfully shallow and your snobbery is too cringe worthy. You should be proud he’s no longer materialist. He now has a great sense of perspective, and is down to earth. He’s found genuine happiness, not based on consumerism.

 

I remember one Halloween when I brought my mascara round to help with my boyfriend’s makeup. You insisted he use yours. I wasn’t even fat then, I was a size 12 and you look me up and down as I had a denim skirt on … with thick black leggings. I had a lacey top, but showed no cleavage. You then went to my friend ‘hello beautiful, you look gorgeous’ when she arrived to pick us up.  Even our other friends picked up on how much of a dick move that was on your part.

 

When your son’s car was written off, my mum was kind enough to say he could use hers. You rudely said ‘is it even safe’? Sorry it wasn’t a new audi or BMW.  It was a great little fiesta, like new. Passed it’s MOT with flying colours. Your lack of manners is amusing at this point.

 

Speaking of cars, before your son and I dated, and we were just friends, you told him I almost ran you over in Waitrose carpark.  He asked me about it. He said you were ‘certain 100%’ that it was me, my car, and it was that date and time. Do you realise I wasn’t even in the country when that allegedly happened? Do you realise I never park in Waitrose car park, ever. Only at night when I worked at the video store next door. I won’t hold my breath for an apology.

 

You called your son immature, because he called you out on your shit and asked you to leave him alone. Walking away from you all was not only a sign of maturity, but strength. I don’t expect you’re too familiar with the definition of maturity though. After all, when I was very ill, and suicidal and received an abusive message from a stranger when I was at an all time low and it was from his friend i’d never met and read ‘no one wants to see your ugly face, maybe if you sucked his c*ck more he’d not have dumped you’. You implied I did something to deserve that?  When I had a notification I thought that it was an invite to a party. I threw up I was that shocked and cried so hard. I’d met him once, and he’d been nice.  I later found out that you’re close friends with his parents. The people you had dinner with a couple of weeks before, and every time I went to serve you (as your waitress) you all went quiet.  The guy blamed it on ‘being drunk’ and his mum having cancer. I had a parent ill with cancer, I didn’t use it as an excuse to send abuse to strangers. When you son told you how poorly I was, suffering mental illness, and how negatively this poisonous comment for everyone to see (including people I worked with, and family) you said that I need to ‘grow up’. GROW UP? from mental illness? from being sensitive? From being gobsmacked someone i’d met once and been so nice to had been so vile? From going on my own profile and seeing the most spiteful comment there, posted, for everyone to see. In a split second I thought it may be another party invite. To that. That’s not fair. That’s not f*cking fair! and I strongly believe you had a role in it as he was always so nice to me, then after I served you and his parents in the restaurant I get random abuse. THAT IS NOT OKAY!  what is ok, is that an already fragile damaged girl was suicidal and that was close to pushing her over the edge. I will not feel ashamed or embarrassed about that. And you telling me to ‘grow up’ and accept it, you’re 25 years my senior.  Are you for real?!

 

You told your son he’s out of order for saying it wasn’t cool that his nan text him a condemning text on new years eve.  I understand she was terminally ill, but to put all the blame on him and text him toward midnight when he’s trying to celebrate.  Do you now realise you are selfish burdening your terminally ill mother with your problems?  That doesn’t feel right to say out loud even though it’s how I feel. My heart hurts for you because of such a loss. It truly does, but I saw your son in so much pain. Unnecessary pain. Pain on top of grief. That wasn’t fair. I love him so much and for him to carry that weight, was so unjust and not okay.  For him to be blamed by someone he loved so dearly. Just based off of untruths that you told her. When my nan died, we kept family problems from her, as we prioritised her wellbeing.  It’s so sad to think on her final New Year that was troubling her. I never met her so I need to be respectful and keep my opinions to myself, but I will speak about what I saw your son go through because it broke my heart. He didn’t deserve that. I’m sure that will leave scars for life. That was not okay.

 

Do you know, that so many of your son’s friends were angry how you mistreated your dog. One even wanted to report you. I had your back though. I assured her that that wasn’t at all necessary. Sure, it was fed, clean, had a roof over it’s head. But to keep the labrador locked on his own in your garage? One of our friends cried when she was stroking him. She had had a few glasses of wine, but she didn’t understand why he wouldn’t go in the house.

 

You had the audacity to pull up on my driveway knowing my disabled mother had just got home from over 4 months in hospital. She suffered brain damage, paralysis. She’d just got home and you wanted to come to my door to start shit. You are so lucky you decided to drive away. That is not ok. Will you ever stop being selfish?

 

You threw a tantrum because your estranged son didn’t want to go to your fiftieth birthday. You were lucky he even got you a card at that point. You said ‘People think I only have two sons’.  You say something like that, and ask me to ‘grow up’. I’ve noticed it’s always the most immature pathetic of people who love to throw that phrase around. Are you aware how amusing that is?

 

You know you have 3 sons. Who cares what other people think? Oh, you. Of course. You’re obsessed with appearances. Hence why you told your son ‘can’t you be normal and talk behind people’s backs’ when he asked you to no longer sweep problems under the rug.  ‘Can’t you be normal and speak behind people’s backs!’.  That sounds like a line from a comedy TV show. But unfortunately it’s just how you roll. Ah man, no. Just no. That’s so far removed from cool.

 

‘People think I only have two sons’. Wow. Are you aware of the mothers (and fathers) who lose a son who’s abroad fighting in the military. Who really have lost their son. I don’t think they care what other people think. They just miss their child.  It didn’t have to be this way.  I still wonder what I ever did to you to deserve this ill treatment. I genuinely have spent time, too much time, questioning everything.

 

More than once when you had guests round, staying in his room, you’d take all of his (expensive) collectable figures and shove them in a drawer along with photos of him and I.  It’s his bedroom, not a hotel room. You took the photos of him and his girlfriend and shoved them in a drawer. Are you kidding me?  My parents would never even dream of doing that. Whenever we had guests at my family home, I was asked if guests could have my room (which I always said ‘yes of course’)… But there were no things moved or rearranged.  My personality was all over those walls, and shelves and it was no issue. How do you think it made him feel that you did what you did? I’m so tired of being the villain in all of this when I literally did nothing wrong.  If I did, i’d acknowledge it. If I needed to apologise, I honestly would. And I’d mean it. I promise you that.

I was aware when you went through my shopping bag because they wrapped my bra in paper and stuck a sticker on it.  You never knocked on his door. You told him my family were ‘stealing him off of you’.  Oh come on, mature much?

 

You tried to bribe him and emotionally blackmail him, on saying you’d help towards setting up his career financially, but later we found out it had conditions. You were unaware that I was arranging a huge bouquet of flowers to be delivered to you as a thank you. But because I didn’t thank you right away (I hadn’t even seen you) you went back on your promise. I didn’t want him to approach you for any financial help anyway, so I was relieved you turned out to be bribing him.

 

Your other son messaged me on social media so painfully soon after my mum had a stroke, knowing at the time my mother may not survive. That she was in intensive care. To send support or show kindness?  You know, it being when we didn’t know if she would pull through anomy families world was crashing down. When I saw I had a message, I honestly thought it may be some kind words…. but no.

He messaged me with no acknowledgement or kind words. He messaged me to simply tell me to ring my ‘ex’ and ask him to lend him money. The same son who texted you on your birthday and asked you to send him money so that he could buy you a birthday card. Wow.  That’s who you are more proud of than your son who has integrity, manners and a good soul. How do you guys despise me that much that you can do things like that? Honestly. I’m sitting here typing this because I have never been able to understand or accept, or even deal with it.

 

 

Your other son’s friends spoke to his older brother (my ‘ex’) like shit. One even called him a ‘fat old twat’, and his brother remained friends with them and didn’t even get pissed off with them. It was because your eldest and I were no longer friends with the girl (your other son’s friend’s) older sister. The abuse we endured from an entire family. Yet you described that girl as ‘lovely’ after your eldest (my ‘ex’) told you how disgracefully she’d been acting, even in your own house.  This is one of the many reasons that your son no longer wants to know you.

If I were to write about all of times you’ve been awful to us, I’d be here for weeks. I don’t really want to relive any of it to be honest. I won’t hold my breath for any apologies. Quite frankly, I don’t want apologies anymore. You guys are nothing to me.

Oh and you said it’s ‘weird’ and you were angry that your eldest son (me ‘ex’) is friends with my new boyfriend?  We call that emotional maturity and pretty cool that they’re good friends. You had to try and make your son feel weird about it. It didn’t work this time did it though?

For your information, not only are my boyfriend’s parents 20 years older than you, they’re more open minded and less concerned with what’s ‘socially acceptable’. They adore your son.  They don’t see him as their son’s girlfriend’s ex boyfriend. They see him as their son’s close friend. They include him at easter, at christmas. They respect him. My own parents adore your son. No, they didn’t try to ‘steal him away’. They have 5 kids between them as it is. You should be happy that they were so accepting and welcoming of your son. If only you’d been that kind to me.

 

When I was dating your son he told me his ex girlfriend said that she wished you and you husband would burn in hell. I was outraged (Even though I knew you were bitchy). I was gobsmacked and even contacted her telling her she’s a bit of a twat.  But now, I wonder what you did to her and how poorly you treated her for her to shout something so cruel to your son.

 

Your loss guys. Honestly. Your son is a beautiful soul. Down to Earth. Approachable. Loyal. Kind, selfless and open minded. He’s hilarious and witty and let’s not forget to mention humility. He hasn’t grown up to be rude, obnoxious or dishonest. I know this displeases you. You’d like him to be more like you. Thankfully for the world, he’s nothing like you. He’s asked you repeatedly to leave him alone. You went through his grandfather’s address book to find out his address. You waited at his work and embarrassed him. You ambushed him when he went to visit his grandfather. Talk about f*cking up his trust in the one person he chose to stay in contact with.  The person, myself and my boyfriend drove your son over an hour to see his grandfather.  We waited 6 hours, sat in a carpark when we had no money, so that your son could have quality time. I met your father, and although it was strained and he was standoffish, I didn’t get angry. Disappointed perhaps. But I reminded your son and my boyfriend that his loyalty lies with his daughter and he must have heard awful and untrue things about me, like so many others have. I put my feelings aside, and as I always do, I look at it from other points of view.

 

So, your son has accepted that you’re never going to change, own your shit or try and say a sincere apology.  ‘Sorry you think we were nasty’ isn’t the same as acknowledging your shitty actions and saying ‘Sorry WE WERE so nasty’.

 

When he once again, pushed through the frustration and mental exhaustion to tell you to leave him alone, oh wow did you turn. That text was disgusting. How do you sleep at night?    You’re really harsh. But amusing with it as it’s so ridiculous. You implied I need to ‘grow up’ and stop suffering mental illness?  You need to grow up. You’ve got 25 years on us, and you act like a spoilt child having a tantrum. Your priorities are so out of whack. When your son told you he didn’t want to go on that holiday after his nan had just passed away, you booked him a ticket behind his back anyway and he had to find out from your friend’s daughter. Of course he was angry.  You were all going on about this holiday/wedding/whatevs when he’d just lost his nan. The same nan who sent him that text on NYE. He knew she was misinformed, and out of order for sending it, but it still hurt him. It played on his mind. You did this!  Of course he was angry that you burdened you mother with your feud as she was close to the end of her life. Of course he was angry you were all getting excited for a holiday straight afterwards and trying to control him and told everyone you booked a ticket for him behind his back after he said ‘no way’ to going. It wasn’t to cheer him up, he made it clear he loathed the idea of celebrating with people he didn’t want to be around anymore.  You cared about appearances, as always.

 

Yet again I got some blame in that. You don’t give your son much credit do you? Thinking he’s brainwashed by his girlfriend from when he was a teenager. Really?

 

You’ve been caught out on lies. You lied to people and said I said things on that first phone call that I didn’t say. Words I didn’t use. You f*cked up though, as I had several witnesses who were equally disgusted by your untruths.  You couldn’t handle that I was a mature adult by this point and said everything to you directly. Believe it or not, I respect people to much to talk behind their backs. I’m not fake like you. I hate, I mean really despise, conflict. But what do I hate even more? injustice!

 

Every time I witness you be vile to your son, your wonderful son, I will have his back. I will confront you. I will point out the flaws in your character.

 

I hope to never have to again.  You say you’re happy up there with your new life, new home. Good. GREAT! we don’t want you to be miserable. Be happy. We hope it’s authentically happy. I do believe nasty people aren’t happy though deep down. I don’t think truly happy people are bitter or spiteful.  They’re too busy loving life and growing, learning until the day they die, to put energy into being assholes.

Take care. Please self reflect. Please one day realise you’ve f*cked up so many times and lost the respect of a son because of it. Your loss. It really is your loss because he’s a good one. He’s lovely.